Stepford Wives and Why I’ll Never Be One

You know the one.

The one who you look at and think…. How does she do it?

The 20 to 30 something year old woman whose house is always spotless whenever you come over. There are never any dishes in the sink. The carpet is vaccumed and the floors are sparkling clean, no streaks to be seen to the naked eye. There is no clutter……anywhere (I mean literally anywhere)…..and it seems like everything has it’s exact place. The kids’ rooms look like something out of a Martha Stewart magazine. Toys are organized in perfectly aligned containers that are labled in pretty handwriting, the beds are actually made, all drawers on the dresser are perfectly shut with no clothes hanging out of them, the books are aligned perfectly on the shelf, and the closet is something you actually “ahhh” over. The trash can is never overflowing. The bathrooms are something Mr. Clean would even be impressed with. You peek behind the shower curtain (lets be real….who hasn’t done this at least once in their life) and shampoo and conditioner bottles are arranged neatly in a row, no hard water spots are seen and it smells like Lysol. The hand towels match and no signs of tootpaste linger on or in the sink. Couch cushions are free from cracker crumbs, end tables are wiped clean and the scent of clean linen drifts through the air.

She seems to have endless energy…..never tired or grumpy, patient as a Saint and always says the right thing. She always has food to serve and coffee ready to be poured in un-chipped matching coffee mugs. Her children listen to what she says and then actually go and do it and never talk back and always are polite.

And when you leave her house you feel like you need to organize your life, like you really need to get it together. As you drive home you make lists in your mind of what you need to do. #1: Buy new coffee mugs (you have 3 mismatched mugs at home and 2 of them are chipped which really only makes 1 available for company)  #2: Organize kid’s toys (Your kid’s barbies are mixed in with the doll stuff, books are always scattered on the floor, and random toys are in random places and they most definitley need to be organized into separate bins but your handwriting sucks so you are going to have to have somone else do the labeling for you)   #3: Buy Lysol (It’s been about a month since you cleaned the shower so maybe it’s time to do that)    #4: Buy new hand towels (Yours are from your wedding 6 years ago and you’ve somhow managed to lose 1 of each pair(kind of like all your socks so you add “buy new socks” to your list)  #5: Clean toothpaste residue off of sink when you get home (your 4 and 2 year old somehow manage to get toothpaste in and on the countertop every single time they brush their teeth)   #6: The stack of papers sitting on your kitchen counter for the last 3 weeks needs to be organized (Your office is downstairs and somehow at the end of the day it always seems too daunting to have to walk all the way down the stairs to put the papers away in your desk)……. And then you are home and after getting pajamas on, teeth brushed, 4 books read and kids to bed you collapse on the couch and tell yourself you’ll start all that stuff tomorrow….

Pleeeaasseeee tell me I’m not alone on this. I know I’m not, I know there’s some of you out there. Some of you Moms who feel like you are just sometimes drowning and not able to keep up with your life. There’s always too much to do, not enough time, not enough energy, not enough patience, not enough of this or that. Making lists every day and NEVER getting everything checked off…heck, getting half of those things done on the list feels like a major accomplishment.

Who would think a 2 and a 4 year old could create such a mess? Who would think a 2 and 4 year old could be so demanding? Who would think that the 2 year old sitting in the 4 year’s old spot on the couch when the 4 year old got up to go to the bathroom would cause such chaos and turmoil? How tiny can crackers be crushed on the couch cushions and floor by the 2 and 4 year old and why is this always done after vaccuming has taken place?  Why don’t they make sippy cups that don’t leak…..and why do you always find one a few days later under a bed or under a shirt that you were looking for 3 days ago and now lumpy, warm milk sits in it and your child may have just taken a drink from it?

Am I the only one?

And after taking 20 minutes to put each book perfectly on the bookshelf and looking at it and inside feeling a little smug that you actually accomplished that task for the day…….and then an hour later you walk into the room and your 2 year old has 47 books lying around her on the floor and she then looks at you, gets up and dumps out one of the neatly labled bins on the floor and then moves on to something else to play with in the room. Why?

And why are hard water stains so hard to clean off of a bath tub? And why is it so annoying to clean up toothpaste Every. Single. Time. the 2 and 4 year old brush their teeth? And what’s the point of sweeping when snack time is 3 hours away and you know something will get spilt all over the floor anways?

And why when the 2 and 4 year old get the same exact writing set for Christmas with 4 pens to each one and you are thinking this is great…1 toy they can’t fight over…….do they still somehow manage to fight over which pens go to which set and a 5 minute meltdown takes place because the 2 year old took one of the 4 year old’s pens….Why?

I really hope I’m not the only one.

I want to be a Stepford wife, I mean some days I really do. I want to have it all together and have the answer for everything. I want my house to be spotless and always clean and ready for company. Dang-it, I want matching, un-chipped coffee mugs and I want a Lysol smelling shower. And I so so so want for clothes to not be hanging out of drawers in my 2 and 4 year olds’ rooms and I want there always to be a pair of clean, matching socks. I really want neatly, organized toy bins with fancy lettering labeling. And I never again want to find a milk filled sippy cup that is 4 days old under the bed. And I really want to be happy all the time and not feel like I am drowning in toys and crackers and diapers and dishes. I want a streak free tiled floor with clean grout. And I always want to know how to handle each and every fight and tantrum that my 2 girls have. I really want to have it all together but I just don’t think I ever will.

No… I don’t think I will ever be a Stepford wife. I just don’t see how it is physically and emotionally possible for me, myself and I. I really don’t. And I try really hard. I try really, really hard to have it all together and to organize toys and stay on top of laundry and always make sure clean, matching socks are in drawers. I try really hard to not get stressed out and feel like I am failing at life and it shouldn’t be this hard to take care of 2 kids. I try to keep my cool when my 4 year old is bawling because our dog ate one of her crackers and I always try to make sure milk filled sippy cups get dumped out and put in the sink when they are done with. I do have some clear plastic bins that are labled in my storage room. And I do have 1 nice un-chipped coffee mug. And if you come over on a good day…..toothpaste just may not be slopped all over the sink and my shower just might smell like Lysol.

And I just might be able to serve you coffee in my 1 un-chipped coffee mug…… if it’s clean……




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