Always the New Girl

It has been entirely too long since I’ve done a blog post. I don’t really have any excuses except that life has just happened. The Summer flew by as although it never really occurred. And although I’m ready for cooler months ahead there is a part of me that wishes time would slow down. If you’ve ever read any of my blog posts you will see this is a recurring theme. Excited for what’s ahead but sad that the past has gone by so quickly.

If I’m being totally honest, another reason I have stopped blogging is because it makes me vulnerable. Does anyone like being vulnerable? I struggle with it. Always have and probably always will. I am a TERRIBLE liar… ask any of my family and they will tell you that I’m probably the worst liar they have ever met. I just can’t lie. Can’t do it. And with that comes vulnerability. I can’t get on my little teeny weensy blog area of the web world and lie. My fingers can’t type out words that aren’t true. I speak from my heart even if sometimes I might not like what I’m feeling inside of it.

I struggle with being the new girl. I hate being the new girl. And I’m tired of it. Back in my small town most everyone knew me or knew my family at least. In college, a lot of people knew me or had heard of my name before or knew someone I knew that would connect us in a way. And I miss that so much sometimes.

I wish when I met someone they could just instantly know who I am as a person. Know that I’m kind. That I’m kind of a dork. That I’m a really good friend. That I love blasting the radio and dancing and singing in the car. That I’m mildly obsessed with The Real Housewives. I love card games. My ideal night….. a couple good friends, some margaritas with salt on the rim and a couple decks of cards. I sound like I’m 72. But again, I can’t lie. I love listening to people… I’m a really good listener. That’s something I’ve known about myself for a long time now. I like to eat, eating out is one of my favorite hobbies. Yes, a hobby.

Being the new girl sucks. It just does. I wish I could be somebody who could embrace it…. but that’s just not me. I look forward to the day when I’m not the new girl. When I walk into a group and people already know me. And not people who just know my name or where I live or that I have 3 girls… but really know me. Know that I like margaritas, know that I’m kind of a dork and know that if they need someone to talk to I am always there.

Sounds kind of corny. But it’s true. Remember…. these dumb fingers can’t lie.






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